In the movies, holidays are often shown as a time of joy, warmth, and togetherness. Everything looks soft, twinkly, and effortless but for many people, and especially caregivers, this season can feel different.  

Instead of comfort or connection, the holidays may bring stress, loneliness, financial strain, and pressure to meet expectations that simply don’t reflect real life. When you’re caring for a loved one living with a serious mental illness, you may find yourself juggling festive obligations while managing symptoms, appointments, medication routines, and emotional support, all while trying to take care of yourself too. 

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.  

Many caregivers feel extra stress this time of year, and it’s okay to acknowledge that the holidays can be hard. This season doesn’t have to look like a movie for it to be meaningful. Sometimes the most important thing you can do is simply finding ways to navigate the season with compassion, both for yourself and the people you care about, because your mental health matters too.  

Why the holidays feel so stressful  

One of the biggest reasons coping falls short during the holidays is expectations. We often expect something extraordinary from celebrations: 

• Perfect gifts, perfect meals, perfect family harmony 
• Pressure to participate in social gatherings  
• Spending money on others  
• Hosting events and celebrations 
• Maintaining traditions or creating special moments  
• Navigating family dynamics 
• Limited access to support services 

When reality doesn’t measure up, stress can quickly escalate, especially with financial strain, family dynamics, and the unpredictability of caring for someone with mental illness. You may feel torn between wanting to maintain some sense of “normal holiday magic” but giving yourself grace and recognizing that you family’s needs simply look different right now is ok.  

The holidays also have a bad habit of spotlighting the differences between your reality and what you wish things could be. Seeing other families celebrate may bring grief for the holidays you hoped for, or the version of the life before mental illness changed things.  

How holidays blues affect caregivers: 

• Social expectations of keeping up the image of a “joyful family” or for “family bliss” 
• Past negative holiday experiences resurfacing 
• Anxiety about family gatherings or not being able to be with family  
• Less downtime to relax  
• Changes in appetite and sleep patterns 
• Weather changes; dark, gloomy, grey, and slippery can bring on Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)  

Putting down stress that isn’t yours to hold 

One of the most empowering things you can do this season is to simply get to know your stress a little better, not to judge it or to fix it right away, but to understand and work through it at your own pace. 

It’s not just feeling overwhelmed, it can show it as tightness in your chest, irritability, forgetfulness, or a quiet sense of impending dread you carry around without fully noticing it. When you stop to ask yourself “what exactly is weighing on me right now?”, you’re already taking an important step towards caring for your mental health.  

Here’s where it gets especially helpful: recognizing the difference between the stress you can control and the stress you can’t.  

Finding ways to cope 

The good news is that while life is never completely stress-free, it is possible to manage stress protect your mental health. Coping starts with realistic expectations and practical strategies. 

Review your expectations 

Ask yourself: 

• Whose expectations are these yours or someone else’s? 
• Are they based on what’s possible today, or on what might have been possible in the past? 
• Are they realistic, or shaped by idealized images from movies or social media? 

If your siblings have never gotten along at family dinners, it’s unlikely that it will change without respectful communication and a real commitment from them. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, so set expectations that reflect reality, not fantasy. 

Adjust for life’s unexpected changes 

What you could do at 30 may look very different at 60. Financial realities, health, and energy levels shift over time. Holding on to old standards can create unnecessary stress. 

Focus on what matters most 

Instead of striving for perfection, choose one or two meaningful traditions or activities. Simplify where you can, whether that means scaling back on gift-giving, not babysitting someone’s kids so they can go to a holiday party, hosting a smaller gathering, or saying no to extra commitments. 

Acknowledging and dealing with your emotions 

• Exercise, go for a walk, take a bath, etc. 
• Stop your current activity and focus on the present (ex. mindfulness, meditation, journaling) 
• Change the script – is there another explanation for the negative thoughts that keep popping-up? 
• Manage your time by writing down self-care to-do lists with realistic goals 
• Establish healthy boundaries 
• Leave/do not engage in a situation that is worsening your stress 
• Communicate your needs and seek help 

Specific challenges of taking care of someone with psychosis  

As a caregiver, you might find yourself stretched thin trying to protect your loved one’s comfort while managing the holiday experience for everyone else.  

Relatives might misunderstand your loved one’s situation or unintentionally pressure them to participate in ways that don’t feel safe or comfortable, leaving you caught between supporting their stability while also wanting to preserve relationships and traditions.

It’s ok to communicate what’s going on in a respectful way by saying things like:  

• “{Name}’s symptoms are currently making them feel overwhelmed so we’ll be keeping it quiet this year.”  
• “Our plans might look different this year, and I appreciate you asking and understanding.” 
• “Large gatherings can be overwhelming so we’re going to keep things low-key.” 
• “Thanks for the invitation! Unfortunately, that isn’t manageable for us right now but we hope you have fun.” 
• “We appreciate the invite. This year we’re going to celebrate quietly at home.” 
• “We won’t be able to participate in the usual way this year, but we’re sending love.” 

It’s ok to step back that feel too much. It’s ok to celebrate differently, celebrate gently, or not celebrate at all this year. What matters most is safety and well-being of the person you support, and your own.  

Creating your own family survival guide  

Another helpful strategy when you’re feeling overwhelming is having a plan in place.  

That’s why the Institute for Advancements in Mental Health (IAM) Canada has created their own version.  

It will help you set realistic expectations, reduce stress, and create a safe, supportive environment for everyone involved. Think of it as your roadmap for navigating the season with compassion and clarity. 

If you have an emergency over the holidays 

If you or someone you know needs emergency services, here is a list of contacts and resources. 

9-1-1 is the number to call in an immediate emergency. 

The 310 – Mental Health support line is available 24 hours per day across BC: Call 310-6789 (no area code needed) toll-free anywhere in BC to access emotional support, information and resources specific to mental health and substance use issues. 

Learn more about the support and services available to you here.  

Remember, you deserve compassion too

It’s ok if your holidays look different. It’s ok if you can’t do everything. There is no right or wrong way to do the holidays, only what works for you and the people you love.  

This season try not to let comparison be the thief of your joy and try offer yourself the same amount of compassion you give to others. Even if it doesn’t feel like it, you are doing meaningful work. You are showing up in ways every day that many people will never fully understand and you deserve support, rest, and joy; no matter how small.  
 
Let good be good enough and know you are not alone.