It’s estimated that a million people in Canada are family caregivers, and about 20% of those caregivers are supporting someone with a mental health condition. Despite the critical role caregivers play, many of them can feel isolated, unsupported, and trapped in a never-ending cycle of responsibilities. Despite loving the person, the care can feel like an obligation or something that interferes with the caregiver’s life.
In this episode of Look Again: Mental Illness Re-examined, BCSS CEO Faydra Aldridge sat down with Susan Grundy to discuss the experiences of sibling caregivers. Susan is the author of Mad Sisters, a compelling memoir about her experience caring for her older sister, Nancy, who was diagnosed with schizophrenia at the age of 13.
Susan was 10 when Nancy had her first breakdown, and her family dynamics seemed to change overnight. While Nancy was often the “parent-pleaser” of the two before, Susan suddenly found their roles switched as she took on more of a caregiving position.
“It was very dramatic. One day she was fine, the next day she had this breakdown, psychotic, and she came back from the hospital at first a zombie from all the medication. Nothing was normal anymore.”
Susan Grundy
While Susan was worried about her sister and the sudden changes she saw in her, she was also concerned about her parents, who struggled to accept Nancy’s diagnosis.
The next couple of decades were tough. When Susan was 25, Nancy was transferred to Douglas Psychiatric Hospital in Montreal, a move that Susan describes as “a life sentence” for her sister. As Nancy settled in, their parents took an opportunity to move to Europe, leaving Susan the sole caretaker for her sister. Nancy would stay in a locked ward of Douglas Hospital for more than fifteen years.
Susan Grundy“My friends started to call me a saint and I really rejected that. I still do actually, because saints don’t get frustrated and resentful or feel sorry for themselves, but I just did the job.”
Today, Susan is very close with her sister—something she didn’t think was possible at the start of their journey. They speak to each other daily and know each other better than anyone else.
When asked what her advice is for others in similar positions, Susan stresses the importance of caring, especially when you feel like giving up.
“Number one, I think it’s important to care. It’s okay to care because when you’re caught in that push-pull and there’s such resentment, you do feel like walking away. I can’t even remember the times where I could have, I might have. It’s okay. It’s good to care. Care and compassion, they’re the most important steps to recovery. Just remember, it’s okay, what you’re doing is amazing and it does work, and there is a benefit.”
Susan Grundy
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ABOUT THE GUEST
Susan Grundy is a graduate of McGill University and a former communications professional. She is the author of Mad Sisters, a compelling memoir that talks about caring for her older sister, as well as several published short stories and an upcoming literary fiction novel.
Watch CityNews’ piece on Mad Sisters here: